Sweet Serenity

In today's society, as we are constantly being bombarded by what the world thinks we should look like, be, do, or say, the struggle to find sweet serenity can seem almost impossible at times. Every morning, I wake up and look down at the quote on my lock screen, repeating it over and over to myself just to be able to get out of bed. This simple quote "Every day is a new beginning. Take a deep breath, smile, and start again." is a powerful mindset to have. It is somewhat comforting to know that no matter what happened yesterday, how stressed, depressed, defeated, or weary I felt, that each day is a fresh start, a new opportunity to have a better day.

As much as I try to be positive, negative thoughts somehow always take over my mind. I am in a constant battle with my inner self. As I scroll through Instagram and see all the posts that make me feel inadequate, less than beautiful, subpar, as I go down my Facebook feed and read all the negative stories, posts of awful thing happening in the world today, not a sign of good things to be found most days, I begin to let fear and anxiety creep in and take over.

Social anxiety can feel all-consuming at times, eating me up inside and out. Every classmate who passes me by without a simple hello or good morning must hate me, every time I sit alone at lunch must mean I am not likeable, every day I find myself alone in my room without a single text or call must mean I have no one. These are the things I struggle with, my daily cross I carry.

I feel that I am at a critical turning point in my life where I can either choose to give into all of the toxic thoughts that pollute my mind, fall into the pit of despair and loneliness I constantly feel sucked into, or I can fight back, push myself more, reach deeper down than I ever have before, pull out every ounce of positivity and drag the little self-love I have to the surface. I can will myself to be better, do better, feel better. The mind is a powerful instrument. Thoughts have the ability to destroy and derail or nourish and encourage us. I want so badly to feel better, to feel wanted, noticed, important to someone, but I am beginning to realize the flaw in that statement is "someone". I need to learn to love myself and be okay with being alone.

 

The only one in this world who you can truly count on is yourself. This is why it is so important to be your own biggest motivator, supporter, lover, go-getter. I need to be okay studying alone in a coffee shop, be alright eating by myself in the cafeteria, be amazed at how beautiful God made me, be proactive when I feel alone and unwanted, do something for me to make myself feel gorgeous inside and out. I am lovable, I am beautiful, I am special, I am capable. These are the thoughts I need to ingrain into my mind in order to become the woman I know God intended me to be. The struggle to find sweet serenity is a daily battle, but with God by my side, I know that nothing is impossible (Philippians 4:13), no challenge too great, no problem too minuscule. Instead of investing in others who don't invest in me, I need to invest in something everlasting, ever present, ever powerful. I believe that the thing I am lacking is the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23) that only God can offer. And I want so badly to feel better, so I know it is time to reach out above for the fruits of the spirit that only He can provide.

 

In a world designed for instant gratification, greed, guilt, sugar-coated wrong decisions, and questionable morality, it is so easy to get sucked in and take the easy road. But I want more out of life than this world has to offer and this is why I want to embark on my spiritual journey toward a better being, a happier existence, a sweeter serenity, and a more lovable me.

Carpe diem,
Marian